Like It's the End of the World
by xxCerezasxx
Summary: AU, always a girl!Dean. Written using the 50 sentences prompts on lj and runs through canon up until season 3. Wincest, Deanna/Gordon, Deanna/Lisa, more pairings inside.


**I wrote this using some of the 50 sentences prompts from Lj. I've been wanting to do girl!Dean for quite some time so I decided to give it a shot**.

**Warnings for language, attempted noncon, wincest(John/Deanna, Sam/Deanna), Deanna/Gordon, Deanna/Lisa, Deanna/Cassie, Deanna/girls, Deanna/men, oh and grammatically incorrect sentences haha, run on sentences from hell really.**

**I don't own SPN, clearly.**

**Like It's the End of the World**

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#01 – Air

Her last breath is thick with blood, her throat clogged and sticky, blood gushing from the path hell hounds' made to get to her heart, scratched their claws through her bones, and that's the way she dies, blood instead of air inside her lungs, insides torn out.

#02 – Apples

Sammy babbles happily at her feet, finally starting to crawl, and they sit together in the sun, alone in a motel room as she puts slices of apple into her mouth, chews them until they're mushy enough to feed to her little brother.

#03 – Beginning

Mary Winchester gazes at the pink bundle that is her newborn daughter, kisses her baby-soft, rosy cheeks, ignorant to the fact that four years from now, she'll get to feel her blood boil under her skin while her daughter watches.

#04 – Bugs

The bees come first, then the grasshoppers, locus with buzzing wings; plagues from biblical days come to ravage every inch of unwanted material on sacred land.

#05 – Coffee

She sits at Bobby's kitchen table, watching horrible, gruesome faces form in the condensation on the window pane, sneers and flashes of teeth that call her to hell, and she lets the mug in her hands grow cold; she was never going to be able to get it down anyways.

#06 – Dark

She can't see her hands, the walls, the floor, she can only smell the rankness of the Rawhead's den and know that here, in the abandoned house where half a dozen children have died violent deaths, she's completely and utterly alone.

#07 – Despair

It remains unsaid afterwards, while Dad carries her in his arms to the Impala, her shoulder bleeding a steady trickle of crimson brought on by a werewolf's claws, but the _it'd be easier if you were a boy_ stings all the same.

#08 – Doors

She doesn't think he'll do it, not really, except that he does, he goes out the door just like dad warned and he really _does not_ come back.

#09 – Drink

Dad gets drunk, totally wasted, and in his stupor he calls her to him, strokes her hair, says how proud of her he is, all the while placing sloppy kisses along her jaw, and she never shares the incident with anyone because she never pushed him away.

#10 – Duty

After they get to the first hotel, sometime before their house has stopped burning, flames still licking towards the sky, dad puts baby Sammy in her arms and says protecting her brother is the most important thing Deanna will ever do.

#11 – Earth

The shovel cuts through the dirt, soil crumbling on the blade, tossed into the pile that is steadily growing in height, Sam digs his shovel in beside her, stupid bangs in his eyes, and everything is right in the world for the briefest instant.

#12 – End

She did it for Sam, always for Sam, she can feel the heat of the flames and hear the crackle, taste blood and pain and in the moment before hell swallows her whole she knows that Winchester women were always meant to burn.

#13 – Fall

He tries so hard, Sammy does, scouring every book, looking for a way out of this deal she's trapped herself into, and she doesn't have the heart to take him aside and tell him it's okay, she's been ready to die since she was four and a half years old.

#14 – Fire

Dad's body burns with the stink of charred flesh and lighter fluid, another Winchester sacrificed to feed the perpetually hungry blaze.

#15 – Flexible

The kids call her a dyke her senior year of high school because she has to cut her hair short after something giant and red spat acid on it, so she switches teams, and finds girls are way more fun than boys anyways; no big loss.

#16 – Flying

Everything hurts, broken and surreal, like she's smashed to pieces inside, the tang of blood traveling up her throat, falling towards the pavement, weightless even as she bleeds—but Asia's playing on the radio and it's a sure sign today is going to be a great day.

#17 – Food

She bakes for Sam, like real mothers do for their kids, but she never eats the cookies she makes him, because the last cookies she had were her mother's and she never wants to forget the taste.

#18 – Foot

Sam's finally taller than her his sophomore year of high school and he fucking looms above her, towering like a sky scraper, something big and impenetrable that will be hard for the evil things in the world to bring down.

#19 – Grave

She should have been six feet under, dead as a doornail, not sitting in the front seat of the Impala with a gay man's heart in her chest.

#20 – Green

Natalie Patel insists they go to senior prom together to cause a scene, get her conservative parents and the school riled up and she agrees, 'cause stirring up shit is fun; Sam helps her pick a dress out, an elegant, dark green ensemble that, in the end, she doesn't get to wear when they move without a word.

#21 – Head

Sam rests his hands gently on her head, fingers lightly curled into her long hair, she wishes he'd dig in, hold her tight enough to hurt, make her feel worse about this than she already is, give her what she deserves, a sick enough freak to be sucking her own baby brother's dick.

#22 – Hollow

Sometimes she sees babies and thinks _I raised one of those_, only she has nothing to show for it as she calls Sam's cell for the eighth time since he left only for it to go straight to voicemail.

#23 – Honor

It's not that she doesn't have a mind of her own, Sam just doesn't _get it_, he was her father and she'll go by what he taught her until the day she finally dies.

#24 – Hope

The amulet Sam gave her hangs into her cleavage, nestled between her breasts; a constant reminder that maybe, just maybe, he has a reason to want to come home.

#25 – Light

He taunts her, yellow eyes glowing in the dark, _no one ever needed you Deanna_ he laughs, and she remembers the unbearable crush and pain of his power just as she shoots him between the eyes and his eyes go dark even as the veins in his borrowed skull flash white.

#26 – Lost

Sam's heavy on top of her, huge chest, broad shoulders, and she hates herself right then, for letting them do this, because nothing is ever going to be the same.

#27 – Metal

She runs her hands over the dents in the Impala's sides, the crushed-like-a-soda-can ends, crumpled and twisted, her best and only girl as broken as she feels, just a reflection of her soul.

#28 – New

Sammy is wrinkly, red, weird, and blotchy yet Deanna loves him so fiercely she doesn't want to give him back when mommy gently pries him from her arms.

#29 – Old

It's something she'll never tell Sam; she'll take to her grave the knowledge that she gave up her childhood so he could have one, that she aged thirty years in an instant, a mother-sister-father all at once.

#30 – Peace

The demon's lips are soft, taste of sulfur, but she doesn't care, is strangely okay with her new destiny because when she goes back her little brother will be alive and whole.

#31 – Poison

The love eats her alive, sinks into her blood, into her bone, love for her father and her brother, the two people in the world she'd do anything and everything for, and that powerful, overwhelming love twists her up inside, seeps out each time she bleeds.

#32 – Pretty

She blossoms one summer when she's thirteen, grows up and out, curved and soft where she didn't used to be, and she hates it because now all anyone sees when they talk to her is a pretty, ipretty/i girl.

#33 – Rain

Sam's blood seeps between her fingers, burning hot, red as her favorite shade of lipstick, dribbling down onto the ground, onto her shoes, her and Sam kneeling together in an ever-growing puddle of his blood as the sky and Deanna begin to cry.

#34 – Regret

Deanna listens to her father talk, watches the careful movements of his fingers as he shows her how to clean a gun, and wonders when she stopped being his little princess and became his little soldier instead.

#35 – Roses

Sam's first Valentine's Day of kindergarten he comes home with a backpack full of valentines, candy and cardboard hearts, plus a ruby red rose his teacher told him to give to someone special, which, of course, Deanna gets.

#36 – Secret

It's a social experiment really; she shaves her brown hair short, binds her breasts, dons her new persona and goes out to the bars where the same hunters who called her little girl at seven now show this new man, this_ Dean_ all the respect and professional courtesy she's never known.

#37 – Snakes

They get her on her way home from picking up Sam's dinner, right outside the motel, drag her back into the alley behind the parking lot and hold her legs apart with their knees, she gives up, because what can she do, and then her newly giant fifteen year old brother is there, fighting, angrier than she's ever seen him be.

#38 – Snow

It's cold on the rural plains of Montana, a wonderful white; she sits on the hood of the Impala for what feels like hours, soaking in the last image of her last winter as Sam dozes in the backseat.

#39 – Solid

She's not delicate or soft like the other girls, there's muscle in her thighs, her calves, firm in her arms and shoulders, in the flatness of her stomach that has, for as long as she can remember, been hard and sturdy to the touch, toned from all the activities women are never supposed to do.

#40 – Spring

Her twenty-second birthday comes and she gets two calls, but neither is from the person she was hoping for.

#41 – Stable

She watches Ben play from the Impala, the son of donor 45617 and Lisa, a kid who could always use another mother, a little boy that'll never be her own, one who deserves more than her worthless, damned and fucked up soul.

#42 – Strange

Her Life Sciences teacher brings her infant son into class to demonstrate how to change a diaper, the other girls in the class all squeal and coo, talk on and on about the babies they'll have someday, and for the first time, Deanna wonders if she'll ever raise another baby again, or if her womb will remain empty until the day fire bursts from it and burns her alive.

#43 – Summer

The second month into their break from school, Sam asks about the blood on her jeans and she doesn't know what to tell him until Bobby, embarrassed and horrified as ever, explains the facts of life to them both.

#44 – Taboo

She pretends not to notice the way dad looks at her late at night, a beer can in his hand, just like she pretends not to notice when she lets gruff, muscled men with military tattoos fuck her breathless in the bathrooms of bars.

#45 – Ugly

The only time Deanna was ever not proud of her scars is the night Meg uses Sam's tongue to trace the jagged white line on her belly, and afterwards whenever she sees it in the mirror she feels like an ugly, disgusting, dirty thing.

#46 – War

Everything goes up in flames that night, dark and ugly, loud as guns firing into the night, and by the time she finally gets her dad to calm down, Sam is on a bus to California.

#47 – Water

The curse catches her off guard, gives her everything and nothing while she kneels in a tub of holy water, watching the _thing_ that after hours and hours finally came loose from inside her drown until its black eyes shut and tiny, clawed hands stop moving.

#48 – Welcome

Cassie's the most awesome girl in the world, she lets Deanna live in her apartment and gives her a drawer in her dresser that for the next month is the closest thing she's ever had to an honest to God home.

#49 – Winter

_You and I, we're the same_ Gordon says to her, leaning in; kissing him reminds her of snow and darkness and freezing winds, something cold inside her heart that she's going to carry around forever.

#50 - Wood

In a forest in Colorado, she smells blood and rotten flesh, the dampness of decaying wood, and the wendigo watching her touches its tongue to her face to test the way she tastes.

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Reviews are much appreciated.


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